


heartsong

by erigeron



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25888564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erigeron/pseuds/erigeron
Summary: (They’re only kids, after all. Kids who had grown up missing pieces: one made to forget love and one made to die to prove he was worth it.)
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	heartsong

**Author's Note:**

> the mortifying ideal of posting fanfiction... crossposted to my hxh sideblog on [tumblr!](https://billhxh.tumblr.com)  
> hunter x hunter is all about love.

When Gon had shown up at the Zoldyck home, black and blue with his arm in a sling and a defiant furrow between his brows, Killua’s heart ceased to pulse in intermittent hope and, instead, began to beat a staccato melody of pride and devotion. 

He was Gon’s friend. And now he knew that for certain. 

(The song goes on, background noise that colors the way he sees the world like a movie’s soundtrack, despite how far from him he is.)

At fourteen years old, he had thought he understood what it meant to love someone. It was an all-encompassing thing, voracious and whole. It was giving and purpose.

Killua had not stopped giving since Gon rescued him. 

His time, his effort, his head, his hands, his heart. And even when Gon stood with his back to him and told him _this means nothing to you,_ his loyalty had remained as steadfast and true as before the words left Gon’s mouth. 

(He knows, now, the differences in what Gon said and what Killua heard, what Gon thought and what Killua felt.

What Gon said: Kite is the only link I have to _him_ and the reason I left home. Without what he said to me, you and I never would have met. _He_ sent me to his disciple to teach me or to test me and for the first time I failed him. You can’t understand that. 

What Killua heard: I’m hurt, and you don’t care. Your love hasn’t been loud enough.

And they’re both a little bit right, in the end. Killua doesn’t understand, and when he finds the man-shaped child in the woods he screams his name and he knows that Gon finally hears him.)

He’s split down the middle when Alluka enters the picture again and takes the place she should have been in all along. And Killua doesn't have to wonder if he still loves Gon, but he doesn't know if he loves him like he had, if he loves him with what's necessary for the lullaby living in his chest to survive. 

There’s an apology, recited and received because rhythm calls for it but not because it mends. It isn’t the penitence that is wanted or needed, and there’s an unspoken mutual agreement that they are carrying wounds they need to lick alone and apart. That the enormity of what happened will take time to comprehend, and then to heal.

(They’re only kids, after all. Kids who had grown up missing pieces: one made to forget love and one made to die to prove he was worth it.)

A day will come, maybe a year from now, maybe two, or three, or four or more. Gon will be on the other end when he answers his phone, and when he hears his voice he won’t ache. He’ll grin like he did when he’d seen Gon’s battered face up on Kukuroo Mountain, and behind Gon’s voice and the roar of the ocean that accompanies it, he’ll hear a familiar tune. 

“Killua, can… can we talk?”

He’ll find that his heart was never alone, and, like a promise, harmony.


End file.
